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Santa is supposed to be a purely innocent, childlike fantasy about cookies, toysand fat-shaming jolly bearded men. Nick goes far beyond Hollywood.

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Just when you think you have a handle on the vast spectrum of human sexuality, you come across a fetish that reminds you just how little you really do know. Santaphilia is the sexual attraction to Santa Claus yes, really. But, as any psychologist will tell you, events from our childhood can be highly formative in our adult sexuality. Santa has quite a murky past indeed. Today, Santa Claus and Father Christmas are one and the same, but they actually derive from two distinct figures with separate histories.

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If you didn't though, don't worry, there's still time to make sure that you sort yourself out with some holiday cheer sex this festive season. Unfortunately for those of us who do not have ifiant others or people willing to have sex with us on the regular, the following list does require two people and, in most cases, a man and a woman.

Still though, if none of the above applies to you never fear because you can enjoy yourself by half-smiling at the names of some of these Santa themed sex positions. You're on top, he's on bottom, standard enough sex scenario except there's an air of festive cheer about the place.

A stunning amount of ball-play play goes down while you sit with your legs wrapped around him in a sloth-on-a-tree-like position. As penetration occurs, a lot of slow rocking is happening - just as it would be if you were travelling in a real life sleigh. You're on your elbows facing away from him.

Heathenish customs

He's got your legs hoisted around his waist akin to steering a sleigh. He's pounding into you until both of you are satisfied, or you get too uncomfortable and have to stop.

Give a questionable lap dance before they tell you to stop because you're embarrassing them even though nobody else is in the room. Check out our Girls With Goals interview below! Coming down the chimney? Jade Hayden.

Sexual fantasies about st. nick are taboo, but not necessarily surprising.

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Santa came last night.

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